I wish, I will, I do................I wonder!

Its that old cyclic "whoa is me!" syndrome. A vicious cycle of 'I wish I was thin', "I will do what I can to get my wish" = I do what is necessary to get my wish = I wonder if I am doing the right thing at the right time. So the cycle seems to go around and around. I wish, I will, I do and I wonder!!!!!
Interesting journey we take to get to our goals and our trials and tribulation. A hellish type of journey when things go very slowly in that total journey to get to your BEHAG. In saying that it certainly can be an eye opener and you tend to learn things about yourself, if you have the right guidance from someone who has a lot of knowledge.

I have discovered I have an intolerance to grain products, but in saying that I am certain I have an addiction to those products too. Everytime I eat bread, I get a massive spike of almost 2kg. Everyday, I have a loaf of fresh bread sitting on my cupboard for the boys for their lunches and everyday I fight the urge to grab a piece of bread, spread it with peanut butter and eat it. What a struggle it is sometimes, like right now. I am sitting here thinking I am hungry, when all the while I have eaten my planned dinner, and everytime I got to the fridge to get a drink of water, the bread and nutty butter is calling................"Dori, we're here! Dori, why won't you come out to play" Argghhhh patoooie! So my latest goal is to get through a whole week with no refined grain products such as bread, crackers and the like. So far 2 days down and only 5 to go.

Then there is the training schedule. Am I not doing enough, am I doing too much? So what is the right mix. And is because my job is sedentary that I have to work a little harder. They say you need to expend more than you eat, if that being so, what is the right ratio. Is doing a minimum 30-60 mins cardio six days a week and four 45min weight sessions a week enough? There is that wonder again. Yes text book theory says that is more than adequate for the result required. But how do you know and how do they know???? I guess it just comes back to experimenting till you get that right mix. Back to I will and I do.

Now many years ago I did this 12 week challenge and I lost 20 odd kilos and it was a great feeling but at what cost. I was on a shake diet for breakfast, lunch and afternoon tea, with a normal meal for dinner and a piece of fruit for dinner. But the reality of it all, I was starving myself under the guidance of a nutristionist! ha, what a joke. Now trying to get to my BEHAG the absolute correct way, it is a very slow process and the temptation often crosses my mind to do it the same way again, only a little harder now, as I am so much more appreciative of the right foods. Filling up on "green carbs" instead of starchy ones is definately a challenge. Oh don't get me wrong, this post may seem like a whinge, when in fact it really is not. It is more of a pondering as why some things work quickly and some things work slowly. These are the just the thoughts that are going through my mind atm. As I am sure that many people have their own versions going through theirs.

Something has to give and give soon. I am not sick of trying yet!

Okay okay, moving away from that weird collective ponderings and back to reality. Had my first sports therapy massage today and I think I am a little weird. I really enjoyed the pain that Mike applied to me. Don't get me wrong, I am very sore to touch and will be so much more tomorrow. But I did have an instant improvement from a trigger point release on my pecs and scapula - got more range of movement. You have no idea how happy I am that I do not have any impingement injuries and all my aches and pains are results of very very tight muscles, and the beauty of that, I get to have these wonderful massages. One other thing I learnt is that I have developed rhomboids, something that is a little hard for girls to achieve without trying. I have muscle...........................................NOW LET ME SEE THAT MUSCLE!

Ciao!