Wednesday, 31 December 2008
Thursday, 25 December 2008
Saturday, 20 December 2008
Okay so where did I leave off and what do I have to tell.
I had a spike last weekend then nice drop each day until thursday. I had a german pretzel along with rye sandwich for lunch, which produce a massive spike. So bread is my poison it appears and results in very high spikes. So now to find alternatives that will give me better results. I do love wraps from stores but when I make them, they don't taste the same. All the ingredients are the same just doesn't taste the same. Weird hey.
Anyway food had been good until the Thursday, when I had too much bread for my body's liking. Training also suffered this week due to massive amount of work, hav been starting around 5.30am in the morning and leaving around 6pm. So gymtime was compromised. No matter, about to have almost 2 weeks off work so I will catchup on all my gym time.
Life is just moving along at the moment no special information that stands out to share. All good with everything, just madly busy and trying to get on top of it all at work.
I will try and catch up again this weekend.
Friday, 12 December 2008
I had the best night sleep last night, went to be at 8.30pm and didn't wake until 4.20am - time to go to the gym.............how awesome is that. I admit I took Arginine tablets last night.
The recession is playing heavy on a lot of minds, talking to people I know who run their own business, and they are seriously struggling. My work has only suffered slightly, not a lot atm, but next year we will feel it when nobody buys land to build, or develops etc etc etc. Reading the international news this morning, Woolworths in England has gone belly up and 10 thousand employees are out of a job...........now that is seriously bad stuff.
Metal monster was again kind this morning, so a all new low has been set once again this week. Bring it on!
I hope you all have a good weekend and don't do anything naughty!
Thursday, 11 December 2008
Now I am not a person who dreams at night, never really did! But last night I had the worst night's sleep! I was talking to a friend briefly on the phone, she was telling she was retrenched on Friday, and that just scared the crap out of me! That it happened to someone that I know. So I obviously went to bed with a lot on my mind......................and started to dream. (nightmare!!) My dream was truly weird and yes i was retrenched in my dream. But the twist was, I was following my husband in a car he was fixing and it was doing weird things like going all over the road. I thought he was speeding so I phoned him and told him off. He then came to an intersection and crashed it into another persons car, who happened to be an elderly gentleman. I stopped on the side of the road, but sat in my car, thinking that it would be sorted soon, but when I looked up, I was watching my husband proceed to beat up this old man (now my husband is not a violent man in anyway, so I don't know what left field that came from). To cut a long story short, we were takend to court (and rightly so, if it had of been me, i would have done the same), but I had left David before the court case, but we lost everything? i then woke up in a cold sweat and couldn't sleep afterwards. Now this is pretty off the planet for me, as I said I never never dream, when I sleep, I really sleep. Obviously the economy is playing heavy on my mind both work and home wise. Anyway moving on............................
Yesterday was a good day, trained legs hard. Food was very tight and fluids kept up. Metal monster was every so kind with a dram of a drop, so pat on the back for that! Did spinning this morning with the lovely Nikki, who might I add looks great with her new additions - yep she has a new set of twins! Left the spin class, just as red faced as i was on saturday morning, like the photo below!
Got legs again tomorro morning, saturday is a rest day and then upper body on sunday with a bit of cardio. Was going to shout myself a new gym outfit from Gym Funky, but decided to pull my head in abit, and maybe reward myself for my birthday with an outfit (maybe even a size smaller.......fingers crossed).
Well hope you all have a great day
Wednesday, 10 December 2008
Self Esteem is the esteem one feels toward one's self. It is a fundamental attitude that one has toward one's self. It's a tough world, it's a tough life and it's tough to know how to handle things sometimes.. It's also a world of choices, feelings, thoughts and free will. Everybody gets to decide for him or herself how much esteem they are due! It's a big problem when one's self-esteem is poor, when we don't like ourselves, we don't make good choices.
Life can mess with you sometimes to the extent that you can simply have a problem of excesive harshness in how you see yourself and how you decide to react to your weaknesses. This is something like the "body distortion" that individuals with anorexia or obesity experience. People with very poor self-esteems sometimes simply have to understand that, when it comes to self, they don't have good judgement about what is appropriate in terms of expectations and goals, cause for rewards, cause for punishments, and what would be appropriate levels of displayed anger and rage. The proof of this and the fix of this is in asking a simple question to measure one's judgements: Do you treat yourself in the same way you would a colleague? Do you encourage yourself like you would a colleague? Do you coach yourself after failures and successes the way you would a colleague? If the answer is no to any of these, then the next question should be WHY? Identifying the presence of such a mental 'soft-spot' is not the same as avoiding it. It's very hard to adjust one's attitude toward self. Catching yourself and correcting yourself should apply with one rule........"Do unto self what you would do unto others!"
Another common glitch in life is that we tend to see what we expect to see and disregard the rest. It may be that many people underestimate their numbers of successes versus their numbers of mistakes. It seems that our brains are structured to pay more attention to things that go wrong than things that go right. But for individuals with very poor self-esteem this can mean routinely discounting succeses as no big deal or nothing to get cocky about while carefully remembering every mistake and emotionally abusing one's self for each and every one, and generally feeling like a major idiot loser all the time.
so "Mirror Mirror on the wall, how can I make friends with Y'all" You work for yourself, you are your own boss. When there is hard feelings at work between colleagues, there is always recourse to make peace. A face to face is helpful, reassuring each other that both are really working on this. In self esteem, this translates to work in the mirror - eyeball to eyeball - mono to mono with yourself. Start with being civil and apologising to the person you are looking at for being such a crappy person to work with and pledge to try to do much better. Ask yourself this quesiton: how many mistakes do I make versus how many failures. Conside the last week as an example. Whatever numbers you come up with, ask yourself if you credited yourself for every step, every correction in planning, every forkful of food, every time you moved. If your reaction to this last question is to suggest that these are silly things to count, then ask yourself if you would have counted any of these things if you had made an error. Probably you would have. It would have been on your "I'm so stupid" list if yu had tripped and broke your wrist, if you had driven off the road or driven over a pedestrian, if you had stuck a forkful of food into your eye, if you had lost your paycheque on the way to the bank, or if you poisoned yourself or gave yourself food poisoning. Right? Proud is allowed.
What to do: Work on being smarter on rewards, punishments and ignoring. When something goes a little well, it should be rewarded, reward any step towards a goal and you're more likely to get to that goal. Ignore partial successes and reduce the possible of full success. Avoid severe self-directed anger, derisive statemetns ("you stupid fat @#$%)! and self sabotage as a "behaviour mod" strategy unless you are trying to drive yourself to self-mutlitation or suicide. When you make a mistake, kick yourself in the butt once and then pat yourself on the back for noticing that you had made a mistack. Work on being able to tolerate the yuckiness of guilt feelings without saying negative things to yourself, the yuck feelings are pretty much all the kick in the butt anyone ever needs.
So what brought this about you all ask. Well after the fantastic weekend, I got a bit down on myself after seeing the photos that were hanging around - thinking "wow you are massive Doris compared to others" "Look at how disgusting you are"..........and consequently sort of self-sabotaged myself on sunday. Then went into a bout of depression, to bed early and woke up feeling very self pitiful and self loathing on Monday morning. Had a little cry, had a little talk with "coach", but still feeling a little shitty, because on top of waking up feeling that way, my metal monster showed a massive spike. I wasn't worried about the spike because knowing the way my body goes, there will follow a massive drop (which I might add did happen and I am back to my new low). But being in the headspace that I was in, it didn't get received too well. Now I was given some positive feedback but on Monday it didn't sink in too well. so I have been doing some reading, looking back at some books I have and started reading a book given to me by the beautiful Elsbe, who is a true christian women. this lady does anything and everything her power to help others less fortunate than herself, both here in Brisbane and also worldwide. Now after reading the above article and some of Elsbe's book, I started to acknowledge some of the feedback given to me, and have started eyeballing myself in the mirror. My next hurdle is to accept my photos and deal with them in a positive way rather than seeing the negative of it all. A hard and long process. A friend once said to me, that maybe my self-negativity stems back to my childhood and the favouritism shown to my sister at all times. I would like to take that as an excuse but I can not, because that means I am looking for the excuse the feel the way that I do. So moving on, patting myself on the back for accepting one of my problems today, posting about it, I will move on and try and be so much more positive about my journey.
I thank you for listening and looking forward to talking to you all gain.
Monday, 8 December 2008
OMGosh - talk about a hot hot spin class! Awesome ladies! It was so fantastic to catch up with Steph, Nicole, Shelley and Lisa, great to finally catch up with Carolyn once again (May 2008 was the last time) and to meet the awesome Fernster and last but not least it was good to see Liz (who did train till she almost puked) That track 7 (which became track 9 in the 60min class) is just a killer! I think this would be the first spin class where my aversion to fans was swayed!
so i don't know about you guys, by late afternoon, it was taking its toll on me, was looking pretty cruisy laying on the couch watching a dvd! IN FRONT OF THE FAN.
So what is it with photos and headspace and my stupid emotions!!! ARghhh!
Friday night, went to my works xmas party, remind me next year to wear flat shoes at the pub, my feet were just killing me by the end of the night, i ended up wearing my sons shoes walking to the carpark in the rain, while he was in socks. LOL, he was so drunk, he didn't even realise he was walking in socks...........told him I wasn't washing them, just throw them straight out. It was funny seeing my son so drunk with his mate Jeremy. I was being a good girl and only had 2 drinks for the entire night. You know it gets a bit old hat when you always go to functions, or bbqs, or parties, and you don't drink and everyone around you gets so drunk. they yell at you, they lean all over you, they proceed to tell you how you should be doing it!
So heres to another healthy and planned week on the journey to the BEHAG!
Friday, 5 December 2008
All good on the exercise front - weights are just coming along nicely - am seeing some very good increases in strength and endurance. Best pb - can do chest flyes, full range (very deep and full extension), with 15kg dumbbells very comfortably for a full set. Wahoo! 17.5kg look out, here I come. Cardio has been short but very very intense.
Food has been very tight except for last night, had a minor mishap and boy my stomach is paying for it today. Also had a spike on the metal monster, could be from some serious doms or even the mishap last night - no matter, knowing my weekly pattern, it is due for a spike anyway. Would so kill for a massage, a nice long all over massage. Got to get there one day!
Head space a little screwed today, but that is another matter, something I need to improve on - build my little wall a little higher so that I don't get disappointed again. Make myself just that little harder, not to get upset over stupid things.
All in all, It is going to be a nice weekend. Hope you all have a good one. Talk to you soon.
Thursday, 4 December 2008
Wednesday, 3 December 2008
So lets start with an update of what has happening over last few days. I reached another low on the metal monster, to spike again but this is now such a routine with my "Intelligent Body" that I know what to expect on certain days! It is consistant to say the least! but we are having movement! Wahoo!
training wise, I am getting increasing in strength as well. I have made some awesome increases in weights - which I just love. Have a training session with 'Coach' tomorrow, which I am promised to be totally smashed! Need some serious rest tonight.
I also have decided that I now like my ute! Have always loved sports cars and one day will get back into them, but since I sold my little MX5 (so cute), I now am a proud owner of a VY-SPack Commodore (another thing that I really didn't like, but they are not so bad after all, just a preference thing). This is the youngest car i have ever owned so all the new gadgety things are great, like auto lights, the radio stays on when you turn car off and remove keys, doors lock when you put it into gear etc etc etc. I know I know, small things amuse small minds! hehehehe! But undertaking the philosophy, it is a car, that gets me from A to B, it is an automatic, makes it easier for traffic while driving to and from work in peak hour and it is a ute, can carry more shit! LOL think the husband is regretting getting me the ute, as I come home with more stuff! Here is a picture of the U Beaut, ozi Ute!
Ahhh! xmas is nearly here and I am dreading it. The best thing is, we have agreed not to go anywhere this year, home time and relax time and the best for me GYM TIME! Wahoo! I get to play during the day! Now that brings a smile to my face. A friend asked what was on my wish list for xmas presents, and you know what, I actually only have one wish - BEHAG! i want results, that will be the best present I could ever have! But alas only I can give myself that present and my intelligent body! So its all up to me! As for the boys, well I am over giving them hints, so this year I am saying nuting! If they can not think for themselves, then thats too bad for me! Its not the gift you get, but the thought process behind it that makes a gift special!
Well I best be getting back to work, a few more hours to go.